Every child will go through phases in which tantrums occur more or less frequently. Some children start throwing tantrums as early as one year old, but they usually only start at around two years old. They are a sign that the child is becoming more independent and wants to be in control. This is precisely why you should try to see them as an opportunity to teach the child something, namely to grow not only externally but also internally.
This is a difficult test for both parents and children, and unfortunately often fails because the parents themselves do not know how to deal with it, perhaps because they were not properly taught how to deal with anger in their day.
If you deal with tantrums correctly, you set the course for the child to learn to control their negative feelings.
However, if a parent sets a bad example, shouts, rages and even uses violence themselves, the child cannot learn how to resolve inner conflicts peacefully.
It's not an easy task, but it's not impossible if you follow a few rules.
On the one hand, this means remaining consistent. Once you have said "no", you should stick to it, otherwise the child will learn that they will achieve their goal by throwing a tantrum. There are classic situations that many parents experience, especially in public. For example, the child has seen something in the supermarket that they really want and starts to demand it loudly.
If you initially answer "no" and then give in, the child learns that his behaviour helps him to get his way. The repetition of this bad behaviour is thus pre-programmed.
You should arm yourself and prepare yourself mentally for precisely those situations that can lead to these anger attacks.
So think about what triggers tantrums in your child and decide in advance how you want to deal with them. You can keep a diary of this and then you will realise more quickly who usually wins these power struggles.
If possible, you can also avoid these situations yourself, for example by setting rules that are consistently adhered to, but which are initially a commandment and not a prohibition, e.g. a time of day when snacking is allowed.
Only introduce as many prohibition rules as are absolutely necessary, because even small children should be given enough freedom to develop their independence. Otherwise you will only increase the number of potential conflict situations.
You can raise a child well even if it is not constantly kept under strict control and has the feeling that it is not allowed to make decisions for itself. It is much better to give them specific opportunities that allow them to make their own decisions. You give the child a choice wherever possible. You decide what they can choose from, but the child is not aware of this; all that matters to them is the fact that they can decide something for themselves.
If a child does throw a tantrum, there is no point in trying to talk to them at that moment. It is not capable of taking things in until it has calmed down again. The best thing you can do is to wait and ignore the child until he calms down or send him to his room for a time-out. They should learn that a time-out is good for them, but not that it is a punishment.
As already mentioned, it is important that you remain calm yourself and do not react aggressively or reproach the child. Children do not throw tantrums on purpose, they have to deal with negative emotions that are triggered involuntarily. This also means that you should not take a child's tantrums personally; the child is not doing this primarily to annoy you, but has an inner desire or a problem.
Stomping, kicking, throwing on the floor, screaming, shouting and raving are the ways his body has mastered so far. It is therefore the parents' job to teach him alternative ways and means.
