Unfortunately, disciplinary measures are often necessary for living together in the family. All too often, however, the shot backfires when the father or mother gives the child an ultimatum and the child reacts differently than expected. So that parents do not always lose the little power struggles, they should avoid the most common mistakes in child rearing.

 

1. lies

In order to get the child to do or not do something, parents occasionally invent little lies. This helps in the short term, but has the opposite effect in the long term. For example, one does not want the child to enter a certain room and tells him that there is a monster in it. For the moment or even the next few days, the child will also obey and avoid the room for fear of the monster. But what happens if one day he or she goes into that room? should? Or if it makes an association between this room and similar-looking rooms and believes that there are monsters in all such rooms? It is better to tell the child the truth and be on their side. You say something like "I know you really want to go into this room, but unfortunately we are not allowed to, I understand you".

2. yield

Threatening first and not carrying out the threat if the child does not obey is a sure way that the child will never listen to its parents. Before threatening, be prepared to follow through with the threat if necessary. This is the only way the child learns that its actions have consequences.
If two children are fighting over a toy, the threat to take the toy away alone is not enough if you do not carry it out. You should give the child an opportunity to stop, but then act immediately and take the toy away. The next time, a reminder of the event is usually enough.

3. the parents contradict each other

Even if the father and mother disagree, one parent should not contradict the other in front of the child and thus undermine the child's judgement. Father and mother can have different punishments for the misdeeds as long as the same misdeeds are punished, i.e. the child learns which of its actions have consequences.

4. bribe too often

A small promised reward works wonders. If the child is promised a piece of chocolate in return for eating his dinner, you usually achieve your goal. However, if this becomes a habit, the child learns that he first refuses, only to be bribed with chocolate. This is especially true with siblings, if one child is good for his dinner and the other is not, the naughty child is eventually rewarded for it.
Instead, words of praise usually bring about a positive result. If the child eats his dinner, you tell him how good it was. If it is not his dinner, you tell him how disappointed and sad you are about the behaviour. Even if you feel mean as a parent, this helps the children develop a conscience.

5. breaking one's own rules

One of the worst parenting mistakes is when parents forbid children to do things that they themselves model badly. Children notice when parents are inconsistent with themselves and will hold it against them for years to come. They also do not understand that many bad habits are acceptable in adults but forbidden in children.

6. freak out

Raising children requires a lot of patience. Children can push their parents to the extreme. But what you should not do, even in extreme situations, is yell at or even hit the child. Such behaviour sets a bad example and children lose respect for their parents.
It is better and more sensible for both parties that when the father or mother is about to snap, that they go for a short time-out themselves. They should leave the child alone and take a deep breath until they can control themselves again. The time-out works on both sides. The child also calms down in the absence of the parents, so that both can talk calmly about the situation afterwards.

7. waiting too long with the punishment

Punishment for naughty behaviour must be given immediately afterwards. It is of no use if there are hours in between, because children do not remember and do not create an association between their behaviour and the punishment.

8. talk too much

A long discussion about the pros and cons of certain behaviours falls on deaf ears with young children. Complicated explanations go in one ear and out the other. Simple, clear instructions they can understand. Children are not miniature adults, their intellectual understanding has to mature just like their bodies.