It's not always easy to get along with your partner's relatives. Here are some basic rules on how to maintain a peaceful relationship between you, your partner and his/her relatives.

 

1. get to know your new relatives. The biggest difficulty in human relationships is not knowing each other well enough. Have a chat with the family and find out what kind of people they are. Once you get to know them a little, you can strategise how to deal with them. Instead of a face-to-face conversation, you can perhaps exchange emails.

 

2. hold back with criticism. Your partner will most likely side with his family. Open criticism of his relatives is therefore more likely to turn him against you. Instead of criticising different habits, ask your partner to explain them to you so that you understand them better.

 

3. ask about customs and habits. Together with your partner, find out which habits and customs are different from those of your family. When are presents and gifts expected? What do they like to eat and what not? What kind of humour do they have? What are their political and religious views and can you talk openly about them? This will help you avoid the proverbial blunder and embarrassment.

 

4 If you do put your foot in your mouth, explain to your relatives how it happened so that they understand that there was no malicious intent behind your behaviour.

 

5. stress-free meetings. To avoid stressful situations that could lead to an argument, think about where and how you could meet elsewhere. Eating together in a restaurant, for example, will make everyone behave better than at home. At the beginning, neutral meeting places make more sense than at home, as the host does not have the stress of preparation and conversation, while the guests have no reason to criticise the host.

 

6. be open. If you don't like something, or if there has been a misunderstanding that could lead to an argument, speak openly and honestly with the person concerned. Tell them what and why you didn't like something, but in an understanding tone and not as criticism. Give the other person a chance to explain their behaviour and understand yours.