Everyone experiences disappointments in life, they are unfortunately just part of it. Maybe you put too much hope in a project that seemed so promising, and in the end it just didn't work out as expected - and you feel disappointed. But it is important to learn how to deal with disappointment, otherwise you will become unhappy.
What is a disappointment
Emotionally, disappointment is a form of sadness, a sense of loss, a painful gap between expectations and reality.
If you think you need something specific to experience fulfilment and satisfaction, you are paving the way for disappointment. Although disappointment is never pleasant, it gives you valuable information about your opinion of yourself, of other people and of what can make you truly happy.
If you are suffering from a disappointment, you should analyse what has led you to it. To get in-depth information, examine which of the following aspects apply to you right now.
You believe that only one particular thing can make you happy
Through the media, we are constantly exposed to certain messages. These cause us to associate happiness and contentment with, for example, a special object, appearance or a journey.
So ideas get stuck in our heads about what we need to be happy. Eventually, we convince ourselves that these are the things we desperately need. It aggravates the urge even more to see friends and acquaintances with these desired objects, thereby developing envy and an even greater urge to be on a par with them. If we do not get this object, we are inevitably disappointed.
In fact, however, satisfaction due to such objects has been shown to be very short-lived. Experiences in life where we simply enjoy the moment of life have a much more lasting effect on our overall happiness. And the great advantage is that you can enjoy the moment at any time, because it costs nothing! Focus on how you want to feel in the moment rather than pining for an item that will end up in the drawer a short time later.
You think your happiness depends on a certain person
Many people believe that only the "right" partner can make them happy. It often happens that someone meets a partner and associates all the positive attributes they want in life with this partner. This is the so-called halo effect. If it then turns out that this person is not as infallible as one expected, disappointment follows.
It is important to know for yourself how you feel in a relationship.
Focus on your actual feelings and don't project expectations onto your partner. Don't expect your partner to give you the exact emotions you have set as your goal, make sure you feel them yourself. So if you expect humour and commitment from your partner, show yourself humorous and committed. Take the opportunity to be clear about what you are looking for in a relationship, not what you expect from a partner.
You set yourself a time frame to achieve what you want to have.
Your expectations are influenced by social norms. There are unspoken rules about how long it should take to reach a certain career goal or relationship status. So you give your goals a time limit. Many people compare their personal success with that of their peers. Social media adds to this pressure. However, everyone's circumstances and background are different, so actual success cannot be generalised.
Your friend may reach a certain goal faster than you because he comes from a wealthy family or may have been more fortunate. If you put yourself under time pressure and then can't meet that deadline, you will be disappointed. Life can only be planned in advance to a limited extent. There are always unforeseen circumstances that can upset your schedule. Remember that self-imposed time limits are often arbitrary and unrealistic.
You have fixed ideas and expect exact reproduction
This expectation is often the most difficult to give up. As soon as you have a wish, possibilities form in your mind that are difficult to control. If things don't go according to plan, which is usually the case, you naturally feel disappointed. It is important to keep the possibilities open in your mind and not to commit to an expectation.
Identify the means to an end and the desired end result. Often the means to an end are different from the outcome you hope for. Be open and tolerant of unknown possibilities.
Being open to new possibilities takes practice. Sit down for a few minutes with the intention of analysing and controlling your expectations. Observe how your mind searches for reasons, plans and courses of action. Learn to recognise the expectations and then let them go.
