Shy people often don't have it easy. Our society sometimes seems to conspire against them and makes life difficult for them. They wish they were someone else, someone who comes out of their shell and wraps other people around their little finger.

But if you're shy, stay yourself! You don't have to conform to society to be happy. Learn to live with your shyness and use it to your advantage.

 

 

How shy are you?

Are you afraid to speak in front of other people? If you don't like speaking in front of other people and the mere thought of having to do so sends a shiver down your spine, you don't have to force yourself to do it. If you prefer to stay in the background, let others step forward. Many people who like to push themselves to the front have nothing to say. They have to be the centre of attention in order to be someone. You don't need that because you work quietly in the background and can therefore concentrate on the matter in hand. What you do, you do thoroughly and well, because that's who you are. Don't become a dazzler, but develop your innate qualities better.

If you do occasionally find yourself in a situation where you have to speak in front of other people, keep it brief. Remember that your counterparts are not superhumans, but are just as vulnerable as you are. Get it over with quickly and, if necessary, read everything off the page. It doesn't matter what the others think.

Do you have no assertiveness? Your fellow human beings don't listen to what you say and you always get the short end of the stick? Don't worry about it, you're just not a born leader. The good thing is that you're not responsible if things go wrong. If it's easier for you to go with the flow instead of asserting your opinion, go for it as long as you can live with it. You don't need to burn your fingers, leave that to others. Pursue your own goals on your own when you don't have to fight someone else.

Don't you like talking to strangers? You don't need to approach strangers if you don't feel like it. If they want something, they'll come of their own accord. You can limit yourself to the bare minimum, you don't have to impress every stranger.

Do you not like looking other people straight in the eye? If you don't like looking people in the eye when you talk to them, please don't look at the floor. This signals submission and you are not inferior to the other person. The trick is to look the other person between the eyes, i.e. at the bridge of the nose. Most people don't even notice that you're not looking them in the eye and you're signalling equality.

Don't you like using public toilets? Unfortunately, this can't always be avoided. So if you do have to use a public toilet, remember that most people are secretly just as uncomfortable as you are. Go straight into the cubicle and do your business. Nobody will see you here. When you go out, imagine that the other people have just been sitting there with their trousers down.

Don't you like going shopping alone? If you prefer to go shopping with someone else, make an appointment. There's no shame in not wanting to go alone. The more often you go shopping with someone else, the more the process of shopping will become routine for you. When you're ready, you can go alone, but only when it's not a pain for you. It's important that you have a positive experience so that you don't get discouraged.

Does being introduced to new people make you nervous? If you're the kind of person who doesn't like being introduced to strangers, it's because you're in the spotlight for a brief moment. You don't like drawing attention to yourself. But you have no reason to be ashamed in front of these strangers. You are neither better nor worse than them. The moment of mutual introduction usually passes so quickly that the other person probably won't even remember your face afterwards. Get it over with quickly and concentrate on your next task.

Can't think of anything to say when you're in a group of people? If you feel like you have nothing to say, just keep your mouth shut. You don't need to talk just to have something to say. Let those who like to hear themselves talk and just listen yourself.

Are you uncomfortable talking to someone of the opposite sex? It's best to take backup with you, i.e. a few friends. Approach the target and ask one of your friends to start a group conversation with a remark. Have your friend tell a long joke in front of everyone so that you can laugh with the target or say something like: "Stupid joke, isn't it?". Once the ice is broken, a conversation will come naturally. Then your friends can take your cue later. Fear of the opposite sex is all about gaining experience. Talk to some opposite-sex people so that you realise that they are no different from you.

Do you hate being teased? Who doesn't hate being teased by other people? Shy people are such grateful victims because they don't defend themselves. Only a coward chooses shy people to tease because they can't handle a defence. The best thing to do is to completely ignore the other person. No matter what. I know it's damn hard, but it's no fun teasing someone who shows no reaction at all. Turn away and occupy yourself with something. Say to yourself that the others are not worthy of your attention because they are stupid and cowardly.

Don't you like opening the door? That's understandable, because you don't know who's at the door when you open it. Install a camera so that you are warned and know whether or not you know the person who has just rung the doorbell. If you're not comfortable, leave the door closed. It's your right not to open the door if you don't want to be disturbed. You don't need to feel guilty. If you live with someone, confide in the other person and tell them that you don't like opening the door. Then your partner can leave in future.

Don't you like answering the phone? Strangers often seem very unfriendly on the phone. No wonder you don't like answering the phone if you feel like an idiot afterwards. What you need is a phone number check. You can go ahead with people you know. For the others, leave a message on the answering machine. They'll certainly get back to you if it's important and you'll have time to prepare.

Are you afraid of job interviews? Believe me, you're not alone. There are few people who aren't afraid of job interviews. As long as you're happy in your current job, you don't need to go to an interview. But if you're not happy, prepare yourself mentally for the fact that you'll have to introduce yourself somewhere. After all, being questioned by your future boss is the lesser evil than being unhappy in your job. Go into the interview with the attitude that you just want to be yourself. Don't try to impress your boss. By the way, the man or woman sitting in front of you and asking you questions is only human. A person who goes to the toilet and certainly looks funny in their underwear.

Do you hate being watched? Maybe others are watching you because you are good or look nice. Take it as a compliment. Most people feel uncomfortable when they are caught watching someone else. So watch them back. The other person will usually look away.

You don't like asking others for help? There's nothing wrong with that in principle. It means that you usually find a solution yourself. That's good! But if there really is no other way, don't hesitate to ask. Other people like to help because it makes them feel useful.

Don't you like ordering food in restaurants? As you probably rarely go to restaurants alone, make sure you let your partner go first. It's always easier to order last. Wait until the waiter asks you to go first. If you're in a large group in a restaurant: other people don't care what you want to eat, they probably won't listen.

Do you feel uncomfortable at parties? If you feel uncomfortable being at a party with lots of strangers, stay in the background. Stick to other people who also tend to be in the background.

Are you afraid of meeting new people? The problem is very common, most people just don't admit it. Let friends pull you along. Let them approach others and hang around at the back.

Do you make excuses to avoid attending social events? A class reunion or work dinner is coming up and you don't dare go, so you say your grandma is sick and you have to look after her. If you really don't feel like attending the event, take the liberty of continuing to make excuses. However, if you would secretly like to be there, consider whether you can jump over your shadow. Make an appointment before the meeting with someone you trust who is also one of the invited guests so that the two of you arrive together.

Do you find it difficult to look natural in front of other people? If you look stiff and unnatural in your own skin, imagine you are someone else. Take a person from a film and pretend to be them. Imagine the whole situation as a scene in a film where the director will call "cut" at some point if it doesn't go well. You can even rehearse your role at home in front of the mirror.

Don't you like eating in front of other people? If you don't like eating when other people are watching you, it's probably because you're afraid of spilling or smearing food on your face. Take something to eat with you where nothing can happen to you. A hamburger or kebab is probably not a good idea, but portion-packed food from the supermarket is usually safe.

Would you like to come out of your shell more? As you gain experience in life, you will automatically become more courageous. But don't try to be someone you're not. You are valuable just as you are. Shy people are often smarter than those who are not shy. Shy people are more deeply concerned with themselves and their environment, while non-shy people have a more superficial view of the world. Do you really want to swap them? It's better to stay the way you are, that way you'll gain more life experience.

Don't you like it when others call you shy? It can really get on your nerves when other people pick at your wound. But that's only if you consider it bad to be shy. Be proud of the fact that you are shy, it means that you are sensitive and profound. People who like to push themselves to the fore are usually unable to empathise with others and are superficial. It is a gift that your own shyness allows you to see the world more sensitively and intensely.

More about shyness: Is being shy wrong? The truth about introverts