Don't be a crybaby!

An Indian knows no pain.

Take an example from your brother...

Many people may recognise these sayings from their own childhood, but often don't remember that they hurt rather than helped when they finally say them to their children themselves as parents.

So how do you avoid making such statements in front of children so as not to undermine their self-esteem?

The messages behind such statements unfortunately miss their target, the "crybaby" will tend to cry even more, the "Indian" wonders how he can get over the pain next time, but feels left alone, and the little or big brother is rejected even more by the competition fuelled in this way.

It's not easy to avoid such sayings when you've had them drummed into you as a child, but it's necessary if you want to avoid repeating your parents' mistakes.

Why are these errors?

These statements in no way lead to a child understanding why they should not show their feelings and why they do not receive support in dealing with them. The reasons for this lie with the parents and the parenting ideals they have been given. In many cases, these are geared towards not showing negative feelings, especially not as a boy.

Although it seems logical that this devaluation of certain feelings and their suppression must lead to problems in the long term, for a long time it was neither recognised nor was society interested in tolerating it. Adaptability came before the expression of one's own personality.

Fortunately, the picture has changed today, but disruptive factors from earlier times are still omnipresent, e.g. in such statements. It is also not meant that children today are trained to vent their feelings in a negative way, on the contrary, it should be conveyed that all feelings are permissible, but not all behaviour.

What children need first and foremost is maximum understanding, tolerance and support.

From the above context, we can only advise you to analyse your own ways of expressing yourself as a parent and to consider how certain sayings led to frustration in your own childhood. Why should they have a different effect on your own children?

You should try to remember what you would have expected from your parents instead, the things that are really necessary to feel safe and secure and to strengthen your self-confidence.