A bad day
A man sits at the counter and stares at his drink. He sits there for half an hour.
Then a big lorry driver type comes in and stands next to him, takes the drink and downs it. The man starts to cry. Then the lorry driver says: "Jeez, I was only joking. I'll buy you another drink. I can't bear to see a man cry."
The man replies: "That's not it at all. Today is the worst day of my life. First I oversleep and am late for work. My boss then fires me. I come out to my car and realise that it's been stolen. The police can't do anything. I take a taxi home and forget my wallet with my credit cards in it.
Then I go home and find my wife in bed with the gardener. I come here to the bar to take my own life and you come in and drink my poison."
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The ambitious judge
An ambitious young judge's assistant had the task of bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee every morning. And every morning, the judge was furious when the cup of coffee was served to him only 2 / 3 full.
With his back to the wall, the young clerk explains that he always has to hurry to deliver the coffee so that it is still hot, which is why he always spills a lot of it on the way.
After weeks of shouting and insults, nothing the judge said to the young man could produce a full cup of coffee - until he threatened to cut the clerk's salary by 1 / 3 if he continued to bring a third of coffee short.
The next morning, the judge was greeted with a cup of coffee that was full to the brim, and the next morning and the morning after that as well. The judge could not resist gloating over his success and smugly congratulated the clerk on his new technique of bringing coffee.
"Oh, that's nothing," the clerk conceded with satisfaction, "I take a sip of coffee in my mouth right outside the coffee room, and spit it back when I'm outside your office."
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Everything just to make the marriage work
It seemed that after all these years, romance and love were no longer what they used to be for Frank and Helga. In an attempt to save their thirty-year marriage, Helga convinces her husband to take her to a marriage counsellor.
The counsellor first asks Helga what she thinks the problem is, and before he has even finished his sentence, she starts listing every single problem the couple ever had, even before the marriage went down the drain. She talks for over an hour and ends up in tears.
Finally, the counsellor gets up from his couch, walks over to her, embraces her and begins to kiss her passionately. The woman calms down immediately and sits there in a daze.
The marriage counsellor then turns to Frank and says: "Your wife needs this at least three times a week. Will you be able to do that to save the marriage? "The man thinks about this question for a moment, and then replies confidentially," I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays I go golfing."
