The longing for popularity is particularly strong among schoolchildren and adolescent teenagersß. The general opinion is that being popular among peers paves the way to a happy youth. But this is not the case at all.
In primary school based on popularity among classmates almost exclusivelyThe main focus is on social skills in dealing with others. On the one hand, popularity boosts the self-esteem and courage of children and young people, but the compulsion to be popular can cause enormous stress. The key to success is how you judge your own popularity. It shouldn't be a competition to see who has the most friends or who is higher on the social ladder. Those who are happy with their social standing up to the age of 13 tend to do well in the long term. The children who are unhappy are those who feel they don't fit into the group. But what is a group? A group is made up of individuals who are all completely different and unique. Anyone can fit in. What causes dissatisfaction with social status is the constant striving for a higher level. You don't have to be liked by everyone, but only by yourself. If you like yourself, you will find friends all by yourself.
How to become popular at school
The ability to make and keep friends develops at primary school age. The basis for this is good social behaviour. These do not guarantee popularity, but they do help children to resolve conflicts and build relationships with their classmates.
Social behaviour at primary school age consists of eight categories: Co-operation, participation, communication, support, not being a spoilsport, frustration management, respect and emotional awareness. These skills can be practised at home with parents and siblings. The child should learn to listen to others and accept other opinions and wishes. Another way to practise this is to stay on topic during a conversation. Primary school children in particular find it frustrating when someone changes the subject before they have had a chance to say anything.
Social skills are best learnt through play; playing with parents or with other children.
When is popularity negative
If popularity is based on social behaviour, it is positive. However, there are children who want to buy popularity with their peers by showing off, taking risks or intimidation. This is particularly common with older children. Children often make certain decisions against their own convictions if they think it will make them popular. They want to create an image for themselves, but maintaining a false image is very exhausting and stressful.
How parents can control their child
Parents should observe how the child fits into society. If it likes the friends it has and has fun with them, it doesn't need to look for more friends. However, if the child seems unhappy and lonely, they should be helped, because being unpopular is very painful for children.
Listening is particularly important. It is wrong to tell the child that popularity is not important, as this makes the child feel misunderstood. It is better to listen to the child and not make any suggestions for improvement. A sympathetic and understanding nod can achieve more than a big speech.
What you can tell your child, however, is that real friendships are more important than superficial popularity. It is normal to have one to ten friends. Every child is different. While one child needs loads of friends, another is happy with just one.
To help the child, you can look for extracurricular activities within their area of interest. Making contact with other children who share a passion is often easier.
It is important for parents to understand that it is more important for the child to like itself and be happy with itself. It is often the parents themselves who instil complexes in the child because they wrongly assume that the child needs to make itself more popular. They put pressure on their child to create an artificial image and unintentionally put them under stress. Parents should therefore only intervene if the child is actually unhappy.
If you want to have lots of friends, you first have to become your own best friend. Self-confidence and naturalness help children in their dealings with others.
