There are as many introverts as extroverts in society, but due to the nature of both sides, we seem to live in a world of extroverts. Extroverts stand out everywhere introverts stay in the background, yet they are there. The biggest challenge for an introvert is not to feel like an outsider in their own society.
Introverts need less stimulation from outside, they are good at occupying themselves with what is going on in their heads. An extrovert seeks out social life and small talk for an inner boost. While an introvert likes to be alone with themselves, an extrovert is easily bored.
Extraversion and introversion are among the five characteristics that make up a personality, alongside neuroticism, agreeableness, openness and conscientiousness. Although extroverts and introverts appear to be exact opposites, extraversion and introversion live together in a symbiotic relationship. There are few people who tend towards one extreme or the other, as most people have extroverted and introverted character traits. A person who calls themselves an introvert can usually name certain situations in which they come out of their shell. Conversely, there are extroverts who withdraw into themselves in certain situations.
Even if there is no exact dividing line, it can be said that society as a whole is made up of equal parts of both. Our perception leads us to believe that there are more extroverts because they are louder and always appear in the limelight. Introversion is often confused with shyness, but introversion does not mean social aloofness. Introverts are not opposed to social engagements, they are just often overwhelmed by them.
Introverts are not more intelligent than extroverts, but are able to process more information in the brain. They withdraw to process external stimuli.
Life in society is becoming faster, more aggressive and more competitive. There is more and more pressure to work well in a team and achieve quick results, which is why introverts quickly feel drained and exhausted because they need time alone to process their thoughts. This enormous pressure leads introverts to feel that they don't fit into society when it seems so easy for their fellow human beings to live under this pressure to perform.
On the surface, introversion and shyness appear to be the same thing, as both have limited social interaction. However, the reason for the limitation is very different. The shy person would like to be in the centre of the hustle and bustle of society but doesn't dare, whereas the introvert withdraws because they want to be alone for a while. If a shy person and an introvert are standing at the edge of the party, the shy person feels compelled to be on the outside, while the introvert stays there voluntarily.
You can recognise an introvert in a conversation by the fact that they listen while the other person or people are talking. An introvert thinks first and then speaks; an extrovert wears their heart on their sleeve. This is why brainstorming works less well with introverts; email works for them.
Both extroverts and introverts feel stimulated and energised by interacting with others. For introverts, however, this stimulation tends to be short-lived and exhausts them if they act contrary to their nature and pretend to be extroverts.
Introverts often find that they feel more comfortable in certain cultures than others. America, for example, is a rather loud, expressive culture and Germany a fast-paced and direct, communicative one. Both are associated with extraversion. Asian cultures or Scandinavian countries favour calm and restraint, which suits an introvert better. Nevertheless, society in all countries consists of an equal number of extroverts and introverts. However, the introverted half is lost in loud cultures, as the loud and talkative half is emphasised by the media.
Unfortunately, reticence is a problem in verbal cultures because a person's competence is superficially measured by their verbal behaviour. This overlooks the fact that an introverted person can be just as committed, but thinks carefully before expressing their thoughts.
If a person's character orientation is not compatible with the social value system, their mental health is at stake, because introverts are constantly forced by society to apologise and explain themselves and they feel alienated not only from society but also from themselves.
Things you shouldn't say to an introvert
Introversion is not synonymous with peacefulness. If the introvert's emotional buttons are pushed enough, they can explode at some point and let out their frustration. Over time, a lot of this builds up in the introvert if the extrovert is constantly trying to change and reshape them as if their extraversion is the only and correct way of being. Typical sayings and situations that drive introverts up the wall are:
Why don't you like going to parties, don't you like people? Introverts also like contact with other people, but in smaller doses. They are sociable, but in a different way.
Spontaneous appearance of friends and family members in their own home. Introverts value their time alone in their own home to renew their strength. The sudden, prolonged presence of "intruders" jeopardises this important alone time.
You should not expect or even force immediate feedback, because introverts need time to organise their thoughts before expressing them. They want to make sure that what they have said is correct before they let it out.
The same applies to meetings and brainstorming sessions. Introverts want to be prepared and don't want to contribute half-hearted remarks.
Just don't interrupt when the introvert is ready to express their thoughts. It's worth listening, because the thoughts are already mature. A big problem for introverts is being overlooked or ignored. If you don't listen to them, you miss out on important information, because introverts don't like to repeat themselves.
One of the worst mistakes is to want to change introverts and teach them to be extroverts. Unfortunately, being an extrovert is already encouraged at school through good oral grades. Introverts who speak up when they have something valuable to contribute get lower grades and are encouraged to participate more, while extroverts who spout immature thoughts are rewarded for speaking first and thinking later.
