Emotional pain is vividly described in language, so we speak of a broken heart as if it were the pain of a broken leg. The fact is that emotional pain is not only in the mind, but literally inflicts suffering on the body, just as physical pain does.

 

 

Humans are sociable by nature. The brain is programmed in such a way that the loss of social bonds is perceived as painful. Unlike some animals that can survive alone, such as snakes, social bonds are an evolutionary advantage for humans. 

Physical pain is there to signal to the body that something is wrong. Similarly, social isolation or the social loss of a partner sends signals to the brain that motivate people to find and maintain social connections. 

If your partner has just broken up with you, heartache naturally does not feel like an evolutionary advantage. Nevertheless, suffering emotional pain is important for future survival in society.

 

Mental pain is more similar to physical pain than you might think. Neurologists have studied brain activity during social loss. Both types of pain use the same active brain area. 

As almost all of us will have discovered for ourselves, words can cause more pain and damage than objects. Verbal aggression in the home is comparable to violence or sexual abuse and can cause even greater damage to the brain. Verbal aggression in childhood can permanently change the structure of the brain. The same applies to teenage bullies: the brain develops particularly well during this phase and the verbal actions of the bullies cause changes in the white matter of the brain.

 

Even if there are no visible wounds, it does not mean that they are not literally there.

 

Some people are naturally more susceptible to emotional pain, just as others are better able to deal with physical pain. It is usually insecure people who are afraid of rejection and unfortunately this fear often actually leads to a negative experience, as people tend to overreact and misunderstand the situation.

 

Not only do we now know that mental pain is as real as physical pain, but the pain is greater for both when the damage has been deliberately inflicted and it is more difficult to recover from it.

 

Emotional and physical pain are very similar, but our inner attitude towards them is fundamentally different. We ourselves and others have more understanding for the "real" pain of a broken leg than for the heartache of a failed relationship. Understanding that scientifically there is little difference between the two types of pain may change our perceptions, cultural attitudes and treatment. However, to date there are no painkillers that adequately treat emotional pain. Often the only thing that helps is talking it out with friends and possibly a therapist. 

 

Now that we understand that mental pain is real and present, we should focus on causing less to those around us and better helping those who suffer from mental pain.